Shane Mann
Concept Statement:
A girl is being taunted by brother to eat peanut butter when he knows that she is allergic to peanut butter.
Seven Sentence Story:
1. Girl is allergic to peanut butter and is in the kitchen sitting at the table.
2. Brother gets peanut butter out of the cabinet and places it on the table.
3. Brother gets the peanut butter out and makes a sandwach. Then walks away with the cap
off the peanut butter jar.
4. Girl grips the table to control herself from reaching for the peanut butter.
5. Boy comes from the living room and runs in to close the lid to the container.
6. Now the girl has peanut butter on the end of her spoon and eats it and is disgusted by it and is
surprised.
7. There is a flashback of the boy replacing the peanut butter with mashed potatoes.
4 comments:
This sounds good so far. My only concern is how are you going to show the veiwer that the girl is allergic to the peanut butter?
-James Maloney
Easy. The girl will have a bracelet that people wear when there allergic to certain foods.I actually once wear one when I was little. So, I was thinking I could focus on the bracelet and then focus the camera on the peanut butter. Sound like a good solution?
I'm a bit confused about #4, 6, and 7... why does the girl have to grip the table? Is the peanut butter totally irresistible to her? If so, how? (It's just peanut butter, right?). And why does she eat it, if she's allergic to it? And then the boy replaces it with mashed potatoes...? It is because he cares for his sister and he doesn't want her to be tempted by it? The conflict seems a bit unclear, as do the motivations of the characters.
This story seems like it is on the right track. I am also confused as to why she desires peanut butter if she knows it will hurt her. I guess that is a flaw in the story you may want to fix in order for the viewer to understand. I am gathering that this story is supposed to be funny, but the ending to it seems a little bit sobering. There is going to have to be a lot of facial expressions to animate in order for anyone to understand what is going on. For the most part though, the story is looking good.
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